“When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I’m beginning to believe it.”
“The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed.”
“I’ve always found paranoia to be a perfectly defensible position.”
“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”
“Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you’re a consultant.”
“Television enables you to be entertained in your home by people you wouldn’t have in your home.”
“Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good.”
“The more you find out about the world, the more opportunities there are to laugh at it.”
“Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand”
“You get fifteen democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions.”